Behind the Clues: 10 Years with Blue
(After the intro, we cut to the G-man at his desk in his room) G-man: Hello, everyone! I am the G-man, and that’s all you need to know about that. And today I’m reviewing… Wait a minute… I forgot what I’m going to review! Okay, don’t panic, G-man! You’ve probably got something in your notes. (He pulls out a notebook and a crayon) Let’s see… What am I reviewing today, with a television…? (A cartoon picture of a television set appears over the G-man’s head. Startling him. He slowly mouths the sentence “What the hell?” before he continues) The color blue… (A blue circle appears as well) And the board game Clue? (Said game appears) Well, it looks like I’m reviewing Blue’s Clues. (The Blue’s Clues theme song starts as clips of the show begin to play) G-man (V.O): Holy crap, I love this show! I always had fun playing along with Steve, Blue, but not Joe! Fuck Joe! Steve was way better than him! On the tenth anniversary of the show, Nickelodeon released a behind the scenes feature called Behind the Clues: Ten Years with Blue. And we’re going to take a look at it today! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Keep in mind, I hold this show near and dear to my heart, so I won’t riff on it too much. But that doesn’t mean I can’t make jokes like this: (Cut to an episode of Blue’s Clues) Joe (Singing): We just got a letter! I wonder who it’s from? (Joe opens the letter to reveal a clip from Scarface) Al Pacino: Say hello to my little friend! (Cut to the special) Narrator: It’s one of the most successful critically acclaimed and ground-breaking preschool television series of all time. G-man (V.O): Good thing they picked someone who liked the show to narrate this! Imagine if they got someone else in there! (Imitating the narrator) It’s a kid’s show, what do you expect from me? Why the hell did Steve get replaced with Joe? Joe sucked! He has a bowl cut, for god’s sake! You know what? Fuck this I’m done! Bye! (The sound of a door being slammed and a car driving off is heard before we cut back to the G-man) G-man: I’m sorry, was that too harsh? Whatever, let’s continue. (Cut back to the special) Narrator: And now after ten years on the air, the secrets to Blue’s Clues will finally be revealed. (Cut) How the cuddliest puppy had to claw her way to the top. G-man (V.O): Damn! Blue’s gone gangster! Narrator: Why TV’s top dog called it quits at the height of his fame. Puppet: Why did this guy “Steve” bail anyway? Did he like, get tired of being rich or something? (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Who knows! Maybe he was like: (Cut to a clip from Half Baked with Steve’s head overlapping the man who is speaking) Man: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you’re cool, and fuck you. I’m out! (Cut back to the special) Narrator: Which of Hollywood’s stars battled for Steve’s spot. G-man (V.O): Said stars included John O Hurley, Phyllis Diller, a puppet, and… (Gilbert Gottfried appears) Wait a minute! (A record scratch is heard before we cut back to the G-man) G-man: Is that Gilbert Gottfried as a host for Blue’s Clues? How the hell did he not make the cut?! (Cut back to the special) Narrator: And how an unknown actor without a clue snagged the role of a lifetime. G-man (V.O): Yes, how did we get this poor excuse of an actor to host one of the most popular kid’s shows ever? Well, let’s watch and find out! Narrator: If you were born after 1990, chances are you are a member of Generation Blue. (Cut back to the G-man pounding his heart with his fist twice) G-man: Hell yeah! Generation Blue represent! (Cut back to the special) G-man (V.O): This special also has a few guests. Like Rosie O Donald from the Rosie O Donald Show, Devon Werkheiser from Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide, and Maranda Cosgrove from iCarly. (There’s a moment of silence before the G-man speaks again) Boy, that really shows my age. Anyone else remember iCarly? Dalton Ross: If you don’t know what Blue’s Clues is, you’ve been living under a rock! G-man (V.O): Amen! Anyway, the special explains to us how Blue’s Clues was created. Including… Angela Santomero: One of the things that nobody knows is that Blue was originally a cat! G-man (V.O): Wait, what? (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: A cat? Really? (He holds up a bowl of lettuce) Right in front of my salad? (The sound of a crowd complaining is heard) That’s right! I’m bringing in overused memes! (Cut back to the special) Nick Balaban: I got a call from Traci. I think you guys will be great to do the music, maybe it’s called “Blue Prints”, we don’t know… Narrator: But Nickelodeon was already eyeing the show featuring a feline. So the cat was tossed in the litter box. (The picture of the blue cat crumples up. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Damn! That went dark quickly! (Cut back to the special) G-man (V.O): Anyway, the team replaces the cat with the Blue we all know and love, and their next step was to find a host. (Steve Burns appears) Wait a minute, who is that? (Text appears saying that it’s Steve) What!? (Cut back to the G-man looking confused) G-man: That’s Steve? What the hell happened to you, man?! (Cut back to the special) Steve: My first audition for Blue’s Clues in this room. Against that wall. Traci Page Johnson: I remember being in that room when Steve walked in. (Cut to a montage of younger Steve with longer hair) Traci: We couldn’t go in and model this long-haired, skateboarding guy. So we made a little secret phone call. (Whispering) Wear a button down or something a little bit more conservative. Steve (Whispering): Do you have access to a hair dresser? Can you not look like you tomorrow morning? (Cut to a clip from When a Stranger Calls) Man (Whispering): Have you checked the children? (Cut back to the special) Narrator: While others aspired to skidoo alongside Blue, a test audience of kids made the final casting call. Steve (Singing): Can you help me today? (The kids agree) What did you say? (Cut back to the G-man shivering) G-man: I don’t think I like the beta version of Steve. He’s a little… Creepy. (Cut back to the special) Narrator: With Steve in place to search for clues, every member of Team Blue pitched in to play a part. Traci: We didn’t have any money, and we realized that we needed barks for Blue. So basically, we went around the room saying “Can you bark? Can you bark? Can you bark? Can you bark?” and I could bark! (Cut to Traci doing her Blue impression. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Wait, so you were the voice for Blue herself? Huh! You learn something new every day! (Cut back to the special) Nick (In New-Yorker accent): The original Mr. Salt sounded something like that. (A boing sound is heard as the text “Like Joel from Vinesauce?” pops up. Cut to the opening of Blue’s Clues) Narrator: On September 8th, 1996, Blue’s Clues made its Nickelodeon debut. Steve: Hi, out there! Brown Johnson: I believed in Blue’s Clues, and I thought it was magic, but it was another thing to see that all these other people thought it was magic, too. (A montage of newspaper clippings plays, but the G-man stops it at a particular one) G-man (V.O): Wait, what did that last one say? (Reading the title) Mover Over, Big Bird: A New Blue Dog’s in Town… What?! (Cut back to the G-man laughing) G-man: Did they seriously just call out Sesame Street by saying: “Hey, Sesame Street! We’re the domination of kid’s cartoons now!”? (Laughing) This is the best special I’ve ever seen! (Cut back to the special) G-man (V.O): Anyway, after Michael Davis says some bullshit we don’t care about, we get the news that, no joke, still makes fans sad even to this day: Narrator: After nearly 100 episodes and at the panicle of his fame, Steve made a shocking announcement: He was leaving the show. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Fun fact: This was the day my childhood died! (He thinks for a moment before he speaks again) Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever had one to begin with… Well, Steve? You have a reason for your departure? What is it? (Cut back to the special) Steve: I knew I wasn’t going to be doing children’s television all my life, mostly because I refuse to lose my hair. And it was happening. Fast. G-man (V.O): Survey says: (The text “Bullshit!” pops up for a brief moment with a buzzer sound effect playing) I thought so! Anyway, after doing a literal worldwide search for a new host, we get (Donovan Patton) this guy. But you listen to him and tell me how the hell he got the part. Donovan: I was picturing this dog with a soul patch and a saxophone… (Cut) I thought it was like about “The Blues” Like y’know- (Cut back to the G-man banging his head on his desk briefly before we cut back to the special) Narrator: Donovan was cast as Joe, Steve’s little brother. Donovan: Sure he’s not coming back? G-man (V.O): Positive. Narrator: The two worked around the clock to prepare him for the Passing of the Paw. G-man (V.O): Why does that sound like a movie title? (Cut to a clip from Jeopardy) Alex: With Steve off to collage, his brother Joe is now the host of this colorful show for preschoolers. (Cut back to the G-man slamming his hand on his desk. Pretending that a buzzer is there) G-man: What is, uh… Clint’s Hits? (A buzzer sound is heard) Damnit! So close! (Cut back to the special) Narrator: In a prime-time special in February ’04, Nick Jr. opened the door to Blue’s Room. G-man (V.O): Man, I hated Blue’s Room! It wasn’t in a cartoon like the original, it was with puppets! Puppets of all things! Anyway, on the tenth anniversary of the show, a special episode f Blue’s Room released a big secret! Donovan: hen the tenth anniversary comes along, we’re gonna play Gold Clues. We’re gonna find out that Blue’s gonna have a baby brother! (Cut to a clip from Family Guy) Stewie: Say whaaaaaat? (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: And with that note, the special ends. So what do I think about it? I thought it was great! Blue’s Clues was defiantly something that should never be forgotten! Well, I am the G-man, and that’s all you need to know about that! Peace! Category:Episode